12 Signs The Attraction Is Mutual, According To Experts (2023)

When you feel attracted to someone, it’s only natural to wonder if they feel the same way, too. After all, making a move would be a lot less scary if you knew for sure that they were into you. While you may never truly know how someone feels unless they say it, experts say there are several signs of a mutual attraction that you can look out for.

A 2018 study published in the journal Psychological Bulletin found that people behave in specific ways when they're attracted to someone and/or interested in making a connection. The top signs of unspoken mutual attraction? Mimicking or mirroring the other person's behavior, initiating conversation, and wanting to be in close physical proximity. These were followed by more nonverbal cues such as making eye contact as as much as possible, nodding while the other person is talking, smiling, and laughing.

According to researchers, these behaviors not only indicate romantic interest, but they're also related to trust. For instance, if someone's initiating conversation with you or wanting to be physically close, they're also saying they trust you and are interested in making a connection.

There are many different things that can clue you in to how someone thinks or feels about you. Here are some signs of a mutual attraction, according to experts.


There's Reciprocity

According to Michelle Henderson, licensed mental health counselor who specializes in relationship issues, reciprocity in interactions is one of the biggest signs of mutual attraction. For instance, this might mean you’re both contributing equally to conversations — aka you're not the only one asking questions like an interview.

You'll know what their vibe is just by how you feel. "If you feel like you're receiving as much as you're giving when you're flirting with someone or trying to plan a date, then they likely are into you, too," Henderson says.


There's A Special Look In Their Eyes When You Make Eye Contact

As Julie Krafchick, dating expert and co-host of the Dateable podcast, tells Bustle, "You can generally tell there's attraction when two people have that 'look in their eyes' when they talk to one another." It's that look that says they're only interested in what's in front of them in that moment.

If someone's attracted to you, they’ll keep their eyes on you whether they're aware of it or not. If they're making eye contact with you, that's even better. "People who are attracted to each other tend to look at each other, look away, and look back at each other into each other’s eyes," Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist, owner of Create Your Life Studio, tells Bustle. "The eye contact gets more sustained as the interaction goes on, not less." If they're also smiling, that's a good sign.


You Like Their Smell & They Like Yours

Some people aren't as quick to compliment others on the way they smell. But if someone you're into tells you that you smell nice, there's a good chance of mutual attraction. "We all release pheromones and they play a bigger role in attraction than we think,” Henderson says.


Your Hips Face Each Other When You Talk

When it comes to knowing if there’s unspoken mutual attraction, pay attention to is the direction their hips are facing. According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and dating expert, if both of you are standing with your hips facing each other, this is a strong sign that you have each other's undivided attention.


They're Curious About You & Remember Random Details About Your Life

If someone likes you, they'll be curious about you. They'll want to talk to you and ask you questions in order to get to know you better. "Maybe they recall that you had a big meeting you were stressing about at work or that you hate olives," Krafchick says. "If they make an effort to bring up a minor detail or interaction you mentioned, it means they were paying attention and subconsciously investing in a future with you."


There's Color In Their Cheeks When You're Around

When you're looking for clues that someone's into you, pay attention to small changes in their movements or behavior, like if they fix their posture when you come around. Another sign of unspoken mutual attraction is physical clues that they have no control over — like blushing. "People often blush when they're attracted to someone," Scott-Hudson says. "If the person you like has a lot of color in their cheeks, it's a good indicator that they're feeling something when they're near you."


They Find Small Ways To Make Physical Contact

According to Jeannie Assimos, chief of advice for eharmony, a major sign of mutual attraction is physical touch. "When they say actions are louder than words, this is definitely true when it comes to attraction," Assimos tells Bustle. If you have no problem grabbing their hand, or if they like touching your shoulder, you're showing unspoken mutual attraction.

"If you're newly dating someone, and you both are expressing attraction (whether it’s a casual touch, or even just sitting together closely), the best thing to do is to let things flow organically," Assimos says.


They Go Out Of Their Way To Do Something For You

Another telltale sign of an unspoken mutual attraction is when someone goes out of their way to do nice things for you, Jenny Muscolo, relationship coach and co-founder of Connection Copilot, tells Bustle. It can be as simple as getting you an iced coffee when they notice you’re in need of an afternoon pick-me-up. It can even be as big as getting you a thoughtful and unique birthday gift that shows they remembered an obscure fact about you.

“Not only does this point to a mutual attraction, but the fact that it took effort to locate such as item makes the attraction even more obvious,” Muscolo says. If you notice that they don’t really make the effort anyone else, there’s a really good chance they’re into you.


They Linger During Brief Conversations

When you like someone, you’ll try to do what you can to be around them for as long as possible. It’s why lingering during or after brief conversations or interactions is often a sign of mutual attraction. “For example, if you and a co-worker are mutually attracted, you may both unconsciously linger a bit longer at each other’s desks, during breaks, or when accidentally intersecting in the hallway,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist and author of upcoming book, Date Smart, tells Bustle. Being around each other feels good, so it’s a way of hanging on to that feeling for as long as possible.


They Seem Anxious Around You

Some people have a hard time maintaining their cool when they’re around their crush. According to Manly, “A heightened sense of awareness of the other person’s presence, coupled with the often-unconscious desire to make a good impression or ‘get it right,’ can lead to what feels like a middle-school level of nervousness.” If the person you’re attracted to is acting unusually fidgety or nervously laughs off their awkwardness, they may like you back.


You Lean Towards Each Other When You Talk

If you're talking and you notice that your crush has somehow gotten much closer to you, this is a very positive sign of mutual attraction. “When we lean our upper bodies forward during a conversation, we are — often unconsciously — signaling heightened interest and attraction,” Manly says. This shows that they’re highly engaged and don’t want to miss a word of what you’re saying. It’s even better if they try to keep the conversation going.


They Immediately Perk Up Whenever You’re Around

When it comes to expressing attraction, some people are more transparent about how they feel. According to Michelle Davies, professional life and relationship coach, some people can’t help how they react when they see someone they’re attracted to. For instance, smiling is one of the best indicators of attraction. “Unconsciously, we can’t help but smile when we’re close to someone we like,” Davies says. “A person may not be able to give direct smiles if they’re shy. Still, a person who’s attracted to you will feel a flood of giddiness and excitement.”

What To Do If You Feel Like The Attraction Is Mutual

If you’re shy about making the first move but feel like the attraction is mutual, Manly suggests coming clean by being direct about your nervousness. For example, you can say something like, “I’m a little nervous about this, but I’ve been wondering if you’d like to have coffee with me?” According to Manly, a great deal of internal pressure can be released if you state your fear or concern. The person you’re interested in may be just as nervous as you are, and can relate to this.

If a fear of rejection is holding you back, Manly suggests approaching them in a less direct way. For example, “Would you like to go on a walk or have coffee together as friends?” By reaching out with a more friendship-oriented tone, the possibility of being flat out rejected may feel less worrisome for you. “Starting a new romantic relationship built on a friendship is always a plus,” she says. “There’s no downside to going this route if it feels appropriate.”

Studies referenced:

Montoya, R. M., Kershaw, C., & Prosser, J. L. (2018). A meta-analytic investigation of the relation between interpersonal attraction and enacted behavior. Psychological Bulletin, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29733622


Michelle Henderson, licensed mental health counselor, owner of Next Chapter Counseling

Julie Krafchick, dating expert and co-host of the Dateable podcast

Christine Scott-Hudson, licensed psychotherapist, owner of Create Your Life Studio

Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking

Jeannie Assimos, dating expert and chief of advice for eharmony

Jenny Muscolo, relationship coach and co-founder of Connection Copilot

Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of upcoming book, Date Smart

Michelle Davies, relationship coach and co-founder of The Best Ever Guide to Life

This article was originally published on


What are sure signs of mutual attraction? ›

As mentioned in the article above, signs of mutual attraction include frequent communication, physical touch, prolonged eye contact, mirroring, blushing, and flirtatious behavior. If the attraction is mutual between you and another person, you'll likely want to talk to each other rather frequently.

Can you sense if someone is attracted to you? ›

The clues aren't always obvious, but you can see some of them by paying attention. When someone finds you physically attractive, it shows by always making eye contact, always wanting to touch you physically, and frequently initiating conversations.

When the attraction is too strong? ›

Key points. Immediately having very intense sexual feelings for someone often comes from a primitive — and dysfunctional — set of feelings and beliefs. People who feel extreme sexual attraction often have a history of psychological trauma, neglect, or addictive tendencies.

What causes instant mutual attraction? ›

Why we feel instant attraction to some people, and not others, is affected by lots of different things: mood, hormones and neurotransmitters, how alike we are, the shortage of other partners available, looks, physical excitement, and the proximity of geographical closeness.

What are the first signs someone is attracted to you? ›

Here are the typical signs someone is attracted to you:

They tilt their head as you speak (a sign of engagement). They smile at you. They make eye contact with you. They reach out and touch your arm, hand, back, or leg.

What does intense chemistry feel like? ›

They feel like a familiar spirit you've met before. You interact so easily and effortlessly as if you've spent a lifetime together. These aren't things you feel when you are attracted to how someone looks, smiles, or dresses. Intense chemistry feels like a connection of mind, body, and soul.

When you feel a deep connection with someone do they feel it too? ›

Chemistry is the emotional connection that two people feel when they have feelings for each other. Chances are, if you are feeling it, they are feeling it too! It can sometimes be difficult to decipher whether the other person is feeling the same way as you are.

Can people see attraction between two people? ›

The chemistry between people can be seen in body language or subtle ways, such as eye contact, flirting, banter, constant focus, and losing track of time. If you have chemistry with someone, you can often feel it in your gut.

How do you know you have chemistry with someone? ›

Key Takeaways. The instant attraction and that ”spark” you feel with someone is a tell-tale sign of chemistry between you two. If you find yourself making intense eye contact, flirting, and always smiling at someone, you probably have good chemistry with them.

Why do I feel drawn to someone? ›

The same interests and values may also be a powerful way people are drawn to someone. When two people have similar hobbies, goals, or beliefs, it might create a sense of connection and compatibility. Emotional connection is another reason why people may feel drawn to each other.

What is an intense attraction to someone? ›

Lust. This describes intense feelings of passion, desire, affection, or attraction toward someone.

What causes intense chemistry with someone? ›

Chemistry is born of several different factors like physical attraction, mental stimulation, shared values and interests.

What makes a man feel connected to a woman? ›

In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.

How do you know if a man is slowly falling for you? ›

He's likely to turn his body towards you when in conversation and to make eye contact with you. He may pay attention to you more than others that are around. He's also likely to try spending time with you more than with others when he's falling in love.

Can you tell if someone likes you by their eyes? ›

Watch for Their Eye Gaze

Like touch, eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin. When someone is attracted to you, they subconsciously will try engaging in lots of mutual eye contact. They do this to feel closer to you, and because they are interested in you and what you are saying.

What attracts a man to a woman first? ›

Nothing attracts more to a man than a woman with a high self-esteem. A confident woman is independent and can tackle any situation in her life. Even in the long run, the guy can depend on his partner and feel secured.

What makes you physically attracted to someone? ›

Physical attraction is often a primal, instinctive reaction to another person, based on factors such as their appearance, expressions, voice, and scent.

What are 5 signs someone is interested in you? ›

Here are 10 common signs that someone likes you but is hiding it.
  • They may act a bit awkward around you. ...
  • They compliment you often. ...
  • They get a little jealous. ...
  • They ask questions. ...
  • They remember the details. ...
  • They want to spend time with you. ...
  • They listen. ...
  • They lean in when you talk.
Mar 24, 2023

How do you hint that you are attracted to someone? ›

Especially if it's a budding relationship, these little actions can be the perfect way to drop hints.
  1. Touch your face and hair when you're talking to them.
  2. Touch them, casually, on the arm or knee when you're talking to them.
  3. Laugh at their jokes.
  4. Touch their arm or knee when you laugh at their jokes.
Mar 27, 2019

What does a spark feel like? ›

A “spark” in a relationship might feel warm, exciting, or like the beginning of something new and intense. You may feel that the spark is your initial attraction and the fire resulting represents your love and relationship. However, the fire might feel overwhelming. It could get out of control or burn.

Why do I feel like I have a soul connection with someone? ›

When you feel a soul tie, it's simply the sense that another soul is in your life for a reason. For example, if your life is very busy yet you meet a new potential friend or potential business partner, the sense that you have a soul tie to this person could inspire you to make room in your life for the relationship.

What does love energy feel like? ›

Love energy brings magic into present moments. In those moments, people feel lighter, playful, hopeful, happy and uplifted. It comes from clear intention, vision and inner connection.

How do you know if you vibe with someone? ›

You can be quiet together.

Interestingly, being able to be still with someone is a sure sign of vibing. You're so comfortable with this person that you don't even need to speak. Just “being” with them is sometimes enough. Energetically you're connected and creating space for quietude, with no need to fill in the gaps.

How do you know if two people secretly like each other? ›

25 signs of unspoken mutual attraction
  • They tease you about things. ...
  • They make excuses to touch you. ...
  • You care what the other person thinks. ...
  • You miss them when you aren't together. ...
  • You can't stop smiling. ...
  • You don't notice others around you. ...
  • They pay attention to you. ...
  • You laugh when you're with them.
Sep 27, 2021

Why are we so drawn to certain people? ›

We're commonly attracted to those who remind us of loved ones, such as parents, former significant others, or friends. “Subconsciously, hormones are activated because the other person has triggered some kind of similarity or resemblance,” says Beverly B. Palmer, Ph.

Why can't I stop thinking of someone? ›

Often, thinking about the same things over and over again may be related to stress. Sometimes, though, it may be a clinical symptom of a mental health challenge. Having recurring thoughts about someone and not being able to stop at will doesn't immediately mean you have a mental health condition.

What creates chemistry between 2 people? ›

Romantic chemistry focuses on characteristics present between two people, including mutual interests, similarity, and intimacy. According to Kelly Campbell, P.h.D., the more present these characteristics are, the more likely two individuals will perceive chemistry between each other.

What triggers love in a man? ›

Physical attraction, sexual compatibility, empathy, and emotional connection are key to making a man fall in love with a woman.

What are the 3 things a man needs? ›

According to Steve Harvey, if you provide a man with these three things in a relationship, he won't leave: support, loyalty, and intimacy.

Do men crave connection? ›

Contrary to prevailing gender tropes, many men crave deeper emotional connection, work hard for it and don't always receive it in return.

How do you tell he is into you? ›

22 Subtle Signs A Guy Likes You, From Dating Experts
  • He leans toward you during conversation.
  • He angles his body toward you in the room.
  • He finds small ways to compliment you.
  • He makes eye contact.
  • He steals a glance at you.
  • He singles you out in a group.
  • He seems drawn to you in the room.
Nov 26, 2021

How many hours does it take a man to fall in love? ›

According to a large 2022 study, men tend to say “I love you” more quickly than women. It takes men an average of 108 days (about 4 months) to confess love and women an average of around 123 days (about 4 months).

What body language shows a guy in love? ›

A man in love tends to lean his shoulders towards his love interest. It is one of the indications of adoration. If he leans his shoulders towards you when he's close to you, he's romantic and cares about what you have to say. He will lean in and create a space that incorporates you two.

Can other people see chemistry between two people? ›

If the connection between two people is really strong, then yes, other people can sense the chemistry between them. The way these two people brighten up in each other's presence and the way they care about the other person will definitely give others an idea that something is going on between them.

What is the intense feeling when you like someone? ›

Researchers concluded that falling in love is much like the sensation of feeling addicted to drugs with the release of euphoria, including brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and vasopressin.

How do you tell if someone likes you but is hiding it? ›

10 Signs That Someone Likes You But Is Hiding It
  1. They may act a bit awkward around you. Who doesn't get a bit tongue-tied around a crush? ...
  2. They compliment you often. ...
  3. They get a little jealous. ...
  4. They ask questions. ...
  5. They remember the details. ...
  6. They want to spend time with you. ...
  7. They listen. ...
  8. They lean in when you talk.
Mar 24, 2023

What causes intense chemistry between two people? ›

Chemistry is born of several different factors like physical attraction, mental stimulation, shared values and interests.

When you have an intense connection with someone? ›

An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.

Why do you feel drawn to someone? ›

The same interests and values may also be a powerful way people are drawn to someone. When two people have similar hobbies, goals, or beliefs, it might create a sense of connection and compatibility. Emotional connection is another reason why people may feel drawn to each other.

Can you feel when you have chemistry with someone? ›

There are few better feelings in the world than experiencing that newfound chemistry with another person. In the early stages of a relationship, even the smallest touch or briefest eye contact is enough to send tingling shockwaves all over your body.


Top Articles
Latest Posts
Article information

Author: Jamar Nader

Last Updated: 07/29/2023

Views: 5559

Rating: 4.4 / 5 (55 voted)

Reviews: 86% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Jamar Nader

Birthday: 1995-02-28

Address: Apt. 536 6162 Reichel Greens, Port Zackaryside, CT 22682-9804

Phone: +9958384818317

Job: IT Representative

Hobby: Scrapbooking, Hiking, Hunting, Kite flying, Blacksmithing, Video gaming, Foraging

Introduction: My name is Jamar Nader, I am a fine, shiny, colorful, bright, nice, perfect, curious person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.